La Mer

for years i have asked these questions

of the Universe

quietly 

only half-heartedly

in case i should be taken

too seriously

maybe there was even some dread
 in my voice as i asked

 i have whispered these questions

to my pillow 

at night

by the light of the moon

when my husband is sleeping

i have carried them 

with me,
the burden heavy on my back
i have bowed low
under the weight

i am guilty  

of cradling the thorn

and the sting

using it to keep me aloof

i have both cherished 

the righteous indignation
my questions inspired

and feared it

in case it was not me

there were even times when

receiving only quiet instead of response,

my rage threatened

to sweep me away

lost forever to the tide

no trace remaining

not even my footprints on the sand

but

i never fought to know

i never made myself uncomfortable

to seek out the answers

and so they found me

crept up close to me

where i sat

i was caught unawares

my ears and heart open

so vulnerable

they slammed into me

those answers

an ocean wave

a fist thrown

an ambush

the tears sprang quickly to my eyes

for i knew them

immediately

disguised though they were

i knew them

my own

prodigal daughters

bearing knowledge in their hands

the wave receded

salty water ran down my face

dripped from my hair 

and ran under my chin

i had cried an ocean

for these answers

and they came to me

on the wave of my own despair

sometimes 

when you seek the truth

it finds you